House (2008)

house1

Don’t mistake this for the classic 1986 film of the same name. 10 minutes in and the main characters have revealed themselves to be completely unlikeable. The dialogue is killing me, are these people robots?

After driving his mustang erratically Jack Singleton (Reynaldo Rosales) nearly takes out a surly Michael Madsen who gives them creepy directions back to the interstate. Of course they end up in the woods and have a blow out which means they have to go visit the Wayside Inn, wow, so fresh, so new.

Jack and his wife meet a young couple who ran into the same items in the road and they become fast friends. They finally meet the propreiters of the the Inn. The owner and her creepy son Pete.  Once they sit down for dinner it all goes bad.  You meet the head of the house (Bill “motherfucking” Mosely) and Pete starts making a pass at the young redhead.  When the visitors try to leave their faced with the “Tin Man” and his shotgun?  Evil spirits favor shotguns I suppose, I just wasn’t aware.

The inn family put the building on lockdown and everybody goes into a panic.  Of course the walls of the inn are covered in newspaper articles about people who found themselves in the same predicament and were never heard from again.  Subtle.  “God came into my house and I killed him” “I will kill anyone who comes into my house like I killed God.”  Apparently the young couples are sinners and the Tinman is here to kill them.  Luckily if they kill somebody first he may let them live.  Sounds fair.

Crazy family puts the “sinners” in the meat locker and the two groups have a row, the family is not the wholesome bunch of normal folk they originally appeared to be.  Now I’d like to go into more depth but the movie was killer boring and barely held my attention.

It turns out the house is pure evil and it uses the skeletons in each persons closet to destroy them and cause them to destroy themselves.  The young couple from the beginning rekindle their love for one another and use the “light” to destroy the darkness.

Just to round things out the young woman actually died at the beginning in the car crash which also took the lives of the other couple they met.

Everything in this movie has been done before and much better.  Fuck this movie sucks…a lot…There is something genuinely creepy about the movie but I think it’s because it feels like some cult propaganda film.

Faith overcomes pure evil but cannot put together an enjoyable screenplay.

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